Haters at Work - Don's Presentation

Taken from the free book How Haters Help

Before we continue, we need to understand truly how much damage can be done to an individual when they allow a hater to affect them. It comes as no surprise that a series of insults can erode even the hardiest achievers, but what of the effects of a single insult hitting its mark?

The examples from the first chapter were pretty obvious. However the damage that can be incurred by a simple, passing hating remark from a hater can be massive. Let us take the example of Don, a new employee at work in a large office building.

Don has a great first week on the job as a new project manager. He meets all his coworkers, kicks off a project to a great start and works very hard to make progress the first week. The second week though, things change. Don gives a presentation Monday morning on the success of his new project. Mike, an old-timer accountant who has never accomplished enough to be promoted, walks past Don on his way out of the presentation room.

Mike smugly says, “Interesting presentation Don, but my son makes better Power- Points. Might wanna work on other stuff too…I’ve seen better.”

Mike offered no explanation for what could be improved. He offered no feedback, only generic criticism. Mike’s statement was not “constructive-criticism” or “helpful feedback”, it was outright “hating.” Such a remark could only hurt Don, not help him.

Don does not have a chance to respond to Mike to mitigate the damage, so Mike's remarks stay in Don’s head. Don has another presentation on a different project in another hour. He had prepared for his presentation the night before, but now with Mike’s insult festering in his mind he cannot focus. Worse, the more he thinks about it, the more he believes Mike may be right, although he is clueless as to what parts of his presentation may need improvement.

Nervous and unconfident, Don is forced to go into his second presentation. Don’s mind goes blank, and although he tries his best to present, he can only think of Mike’s comment and begins to actually believe that he is a lousy presenter. His presentation gradually falls apart and Don comes across as sounding incompetent and uninformed of his own project. Due to his perceived ineptitude, Don is verbally attacked by the staff at the end of the presentation. Probing questions are directed at him, with rebuttal being nearly impossible from Don due to having his thought train completely scattered by the anxiety. As a result, the staff ends up tearing him apart in front of the whole group. Don leaves the presentation feeling ashamed, worried and completely lacking confidence.

In a distraught state of mind, Don goes on to makes several mistakes later that day on a project, which angers some of his coworkers. Consequently, they perceive him as lacking the skills of a manager and spread negative rumors about him in an attempt to have him fired or transferred. The rumors take root, grow over the next few weeks, and ultimately result in Don being “let go” from the company.

Through an extended cause/effect chain in the example, Don worrying about Mike’s comment literally caused Don to lose his job. It may be a bit far-fetched, but you can see how easily one comment from a hater can mess up a day, week, year, or even a lifetime for a would-be achiever. The results of letting a hater damage you (long-term or short-term) can be catastrophic.

What happens when you use them to your advantage instead of letting them damage you? Allow us to reexamine Don’s situation in a different light.

Don has a great first week on the job as a new project manager. He meets all his coworkers, kicks off a project to a great start and works very hard to make progress the first week. The second week though, things change. Don gives a presentation Monday morning on the success of his new project. Mike, an old-timer accountant who has never accomplished enough to be promoted, walks past Don on his way out of the presentation room.

Mike smugly says, “Interesting presentation Don, but my son makes better Power- Points. Might wanna work on other stuff too…I’ve seen better.”

Mike offered no explanation for what could be improved. He offered no feedback, only generic criticism. Mike’s statement was not “constructive-criticism” or “helpful feedback”, it was outright “hating.” Such a remark could only hurt Don, not help him.

STOP! Everything was obviously the same up until this point. Now though, Don has a conscious decision to make! He can let Mike’s hating bother him, or he can use it to his advantage (we will cover how later in this book). This time, Don chooses to use Mike’s hating in a positive way.

Now… Don does not have a chance to respond to Mike, so his remarks stay in Don’s head (just as before). However, Don examines them and sees them for what they are: hating. Don realizes such a generic insult shows that nothing was actually wrong with the presentation itself, but that Mike was simply jealous of Don’s advancement and needed something to base his attack upon! Don confides in this, reminds himself he is indeed a good presenter, and goes on to his next presentation. As he begins, he mentally makes a point of proving Mike wrong and proceeds to give an outstanding presentation. The staff members love it, are very satisfied with his project and are eager to see how he performs on future projects.

Don continues to manage outstanding projects and is promoted a few months later. The two situations turned out quite different. Why? Because Don saw Mike’s hating for what it was, and proved him wrong! You can see how one single decision by Don in handling a hater ended up helping to accelerate his career!

How many people end up like Don in the first example? How many people let haters affect them and sabotage their hard work toward succeeding? Too many!

So many people have their dreams (little or big, short-term or long-term) cut down or sabotaged by haters, it is absolutely tragic.

It saddens me, moves me and drives me to action.

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